Severed Ties
by FantasyGirl1992
Summary: OWLs were a bad week for everyone, but between her treacherous best friend and an overenthusiastic suitor, Lily's having it worse than most. Part Two in 'Seven Weeks, Seven Kisses', a series of seven stories on how Lily Evans feel in love with James Potter. Rated for mild language.
1. Sunday: Blind Panic

**Hello, lovely readers! This is Part Two of the _Seven Weeks, Seven Kisses_ series. It can be read alone, but will make more sense and be more enjoyable if you check out Part One, _Kiss Me Quick_ - it's only short, you know you want to ;) **

**The series is Jily but this particular story focuses a lot on Lily and Sev's relationship, and the end of an unhealthy friendship. I'm writing a lot from first-hand experience there, so hopefully it comes across as realistic. There's plenty of James too, but this is very much just a step in their relationship and this one definitely isn't Jily fluff.**

**The story is completely written and uploaded so I'll be posting a chapter a day for the next week, so that the story progresses in time with the plot, if that makes sense.**

**As I'm sure you guessed I sadly don't own Lily, Sev, any of the Marauders or anyone else appearing in this fic, apart from Jackie who basically just exists because there was an empty bed in the girls' dorm and I always imagined Emmeline and Dorcas as being older than Lily et al.**

**Rating is for mild language.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Evans! Evans, will you wake up, for Merlin's sake?"

"Wassup?" Lily Evans lifted her head off her hands and found herself staring into the face of one James Potter. Potter, never her favourite sight, never less welcome than when she had just woken up.

"What is it, Potter?" she growled, blinking down at the scattering of notes that had taken the place of a pillow.

"I don't know anything, Evans," he whined pathetically. "And the exam's tomorrow…"

"So what do you want me to do about it?" Lily felt that she had a right to be grumpy. She had barely slept during the previous week of OWLs, and the weekend had passed in a haze of scrawled notes, heavy books and coffee stains. Uncomfortable as the table in the Gryffindor common room was, she had been enjoying her nap, and of all the people who could have woken her up, it had to be the Great Annoyance himself. Looking at him now, she realised with some surprise that there was genuine panic in his eyes.

"You're brilliant at Potions, Evans," he wheedled. "Always have been. And at everything else, of course, but Potions especially."

"And you're perfectly competent," Lily huffed in reply. Frankly she thought he had some nerve. He and the Idiot Black had spent the last five years blowing up cauldrons for laughs, and now that he had realised he needed to actually know something he was expecting her to bail him out, was he?

Lily stood up abruptly, gathering her things. Potter blinked at her, taken aback. "Where are you going?"

"Library," she snapped, asking herself as she did so why she was humouring him enough to answer him. She noticed that a few sheets of paper, criss-crossed with her own handwriting, were trapped under his elbow, and debated whether to ask for them back. One look at his baleful eyes brought bile to her throat, so she abandoned the notes to their unhappy fate and left the common room, Potter's gaze tailing her as she went.

She took a deep breath as the Fat Lady's portrait swung shut behind her. "Exams getting you down, dearie?" enquired the painting.

"Ha!" Lily was faintly aware that her laugh sounded slightly manic. "Ha," she repeated, not bothering to explain herself, and marched away, as the Fat Lady made concerned clucking noises after her retreating back. "You'd feel much better for a good night's sleep, dear."

_Some hope,_ thought Lily, rounding a corner.

Potter had been insufferable ever since she had made the ill-fated decision to kiss him in the Owlery halfway through the previous term. "Decision" probably wasn't the right word – it had been a spur of the moment thing. She wasn't sure, looking back, what she'd been thinking.

Not only had she kissed him, but she had also failed, when given the opportunity, to tell Potter to back off once and for all. He had promised that if she told him to, there, then, he would leave her alone for good.

And what had she done? Bloody kissed him, that's what. Which seemed to have given the deluded fool the ridiculous impression that she _liked_ him. In fairness she could see that her behaviour had been a little misleading, but that didn't make his renewed persistence any less irritating. Or misplaced.

She found Remus sitting in the corner of the library, hunched over his own books. Remus didn't have Lily's natural prowess at Potions. He looked thoroughly miserable and rather ill. Not for the first time, Lily's stomach knotted itself into a tight ball of concern as she looked at her friend. "You okay, Remus?"

He looked up with a tired smile. "You look like I feel."

"Then I bloody well hope you don't feel as bad as you look," she countered, sinking into a chair beside him.

He chuckled weakly. "It's close."

"Wonderful." She pulled out a quill.

"Who drove you out of the common room?" As if he didn't know.

"That dumb mutt of yours. Potter."

"Oh, come on, Lily. Sirius is the only mutt around here." Remus' lips were twitching, as if he had just said something incredibly funny, but if he had, it was lost on Lily.

"Whatever. Just because he's panicking about Potions…"

"Don't be ridiculous. James doesn't panic about exams."

"He does to me. Every night last week, _Help me Evans, Oh please Evans…"_

"And it didn't occur to you that he might be pretending, just to have an excuse to talk to you?"

Lily made a disgruntled noise in the back of her throat. That possibility hadn't occurred to her, no, but now that Remus mentioned it, that was exactly the kind of lowdown trick Potter would resort to.

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" she wondered aloud, and Remus gave a snigger. "Oh, I don't know… Kiss him, maybe?"

Lily took one look at Remus' smug face, and decided that, on reflection, she couldn't face another minute in the company of any Marauder, not even her personal favourite. She shoved her quill back in her bag.

Remus was still grinning. If he had one fault, it lay in his inexplicable belief that she would give up and go for James eventually. Lily's every attempt to assure him of the contrary seemed to fall into his one huge blind spot. "I'm going to bed," she announced. If she was lucky, pest control would have cleared Potter out of the common room by now.

Remus nodded once, before a hacking cough rose up as if from nowhere and he bent double over the desk. Lily's expression softened as he forced himself upright, making himself smile up at her. "Sleep well."

"You should probably do the same," she said pointedly, but he just shrugged. "In a bit. I keep hoping if I give it ten more minutes, I'll have a breakthrough and the art of brewing will just… Fall into place."

His smile somehow managed to be both humorous and despairing at the same time. Lily was about to say something further, when a magnificent, rumbling snore interrupted her train of thought. "What in Merlin's name was that?"

Remus gestured meaningfully under his desk. Lily ducked to take a peek, and was greeted with the sight of Peter Pettigrew, sprawled on his back under the table, mouth wide open, sound asleep.

Remus gave a soft chuckle. "He's been so fidgety since the exams started… I didn't want to disturb the peace."

Lily threw her fellow Prefect an exasperated look before turning to leave. She supposed she couldn't blame him. In fact, as she crossed the Entrance Hall, she found herself musing on the best way to slip Potter a sedative. Purely hypothetically, obviously.

She was so lost in the rather pleasing daydream that she almost didn't notice Sev approaching her. "Lily?"

She stirred herself out of her reverie and smiled. "Hi, Sev."

"Are you all right?" Dear Merlin, did she look that bad? He was staring at her as though expecting her to pass out before his eyes.

"Fine, fine," she said, with false cheeriness. "Just off to bed."

He gave a wry smile. "Still, your best subject tomorrow, eh?"

She didn't bother pointing out that sitting next to him had played a big part in her Potions prowess. He'd flatly deny it, even though it was true.

"Yep," she said instead, suddenly overwhelmed by the need to get back to her bed. "We'll be fine."

"Of course we will." As he passed her he gave her elbow a comforting squeeze. A complicated mess of emotions threatened to flood Lily's brain, but she pushed them back exhaustedly. Dealing with Sev was just one challenge too much for that evening.

Only a few minutes later, she was staggering into her dormitory. Jackie and Alice were already asleep, Jackie snoring loudly. Marlene's bed was empty – Lily didn't like to wonder where she might be – and Mary was sitting up in bed, surrounded by reams of paper. She looked up as Lily entered, wide-eyed.

"Lily!" she wailed miserably. "I don't know anything!"

Lily suffered an uncomfortable throw-back to the conversation less than an hour previously, when Potter had uttered the exact same words. "Sure you do," she replied, and stumbled into the bathroom before Mary had a chance to question her further.

By the time Lily emerged, Mary was slumped over her open textbook, sheets of paper fluttering to the floor around her. Lily gently prised the book out of Mary's hands, and pushed her back against the pillow where she could sleep more comfortably. Mary gave a little whimper as she fell back, and Lily sighed. The sooner this week – the last of their OWLs – was over, the better.


	2. Monday: Potions

**Just a quick note on context in case it isn't obvious: this story is set after the Sirius-accidentally-on-purpose-trying-to-use-Remus -as-a-murder-weapon incident, but before Lily finds out about Remus' furry little problem.**

**Thank you to ssSiriusxxforeverxx, dancingonstars and Invisiblegirl3 for your reviews to chapter one, nice to see some old reviewers from KMQ back for more :) Invisiblegirl3, hopefully this has some more of the plot (or at least gossip, arguments, and explosions) you were after. Enjoy!**

**PS updates won't normally be this late in the day (it's 5.30 where I am), I just had a monster day at the faculty and haven't had access to my pc.**

* * *

Lily was rudely awakened when Marlene sat on her.

"Ouch! What are you…"

"You didn't wake up when I poked you."

"What time is it?"

"Fourish."

Lily groaned, and sat up, rubbing her eyes blearily. "And why, exactly, have you woken me up at four o clock in the morning?"

"Because you know about Invigoration Draughts and I don't."

It took Lily mere moments to find something on her desk to throw at the other girl. Unfortunately, the something turned out to be a pot of ink, which shattered, drenching Lily's bedclothes in emerald green splotches.

"A simple "jog on" would have sufficed," remarked Marlene huffily, but she obligingly cleared up the mess with a wave of her wand and left Lily to doze off again.

x-x-x-x-x

A few hours later, Lily was in the dungeons, crushing porcupine quills for her Draught of Peace. She couldn't help feeling that this was a particularly ironic potion to set in an OWL exam, since few of the class would have slept at all for days, but she wasn't unhappy about it; Slughorn had been delighted by her efforts at the brew halfway through fifth year. She sprinkled in the quills until the mixture turned red, before gently stirring it. As she waited for the potion to fade to orange, she glanced around her at the other students.

At the front of the dungeon, and to Lily's right, Sev was bent so closely over his cauldron that he looked like he might topple in. Black, who was sitting to the far left, one row behind Sev, had noticed this too, and was looking up at Sev every few moments, as though resisting the urge to abandon his exam and give the unfortunate Slytherin a push. Clara Abbott, the Hufflepuff directly in front of Black, kept glancing longingly over her shoulder at the most arrogant Marauder, and Lily had to choke down bile. She turned her attention back to her own work, now a pleasing shade of tangerine, and added a few more porcupine quills.

There was a sudden, loud bang from somewhere over Lily's right shoulder, and a haze of thick grey steam burst forth, engulfing half of the dungeon. Lily span around, coughing, to see a mortified-looking Remus staring, aghast, at what had previously been his cauldron. The pewter, which had melted with alarming speed, was oozing out across the floor, and Frank Longbottom, seated directly in front of Remus, gave a rather unmanly yelp and leapt out of its way.

The dungeon descended into chaos, but after only a few moments Professor Marchbanks, the chief examiner, took charge. Remus was ushered out of the exam room, the steam evaporated with a wave of Professor Tofty's wand, and Frank, who was been splattered with deep purple liquid, was escorted to the Hospital Wing, with a promise that he could resume his examination later.

Under the keen eyes of the formidable Professor Marchbanks, the students soon settled back into their exam. Lily stirred her cauldron, willing the mixture in it to turn purple. She glanced at Sev out of the corner of her eye, and was alarmed to notice that he didn't seem to have looked up throughout the entire debacle. She frowned, adding a pinch of ground unicorn horn to her potion, and tried not to worry about Remus; there would be time for that later.

x-x-x-x-x

"I think there's ash in your hair."

Lily groaned as Sev took a bite of his sandwich, surveying her critically. Unable to face the Great Hall, the pair had snatched some food and taken it outside, settling down by the water's edge to eat. She leaned forward, letting her hair fall down over her face, and ran her fingers through it from roots to tips. Sure enough, when she straightened up, her fingers were grey with soot.

"Better?"

He peered at her. "Yeah. It must be from when that ignoramus mongrel's potion…"

"Don't call him that, please, Sev," said Lily, her cheeks flushing with annoyance. "Just because Remus is half-blood…"

"Half-human, more like," snarled Sev.

"Which makes me pure animal, I suppose," responded Lily coolly. She was getting far too used to these sorts of arguments.

"That's not what I mean."

"Is it not?"

"No. Whatever his blood status, Remus Lupin is…" Sev tailed off, with a genuine shudder.

"What?" snapped Lily, rapidly losing patience. "Remus never did anything to hurt you, Sev, just because he hangs around with imbeciles like Black and Potter sometimes doesn't mean…"

"That's not…" Sev began again, but stopped when he realised that Lily was getting to her feet. "Where are you going?"

"I want to see if Remus is alright," Lily told him defiantly, and derived a certain amount of twisted satisfaction from the displeasure on Sev's face. Of course she felt guilty a moment later, but her long-time best friend was really pushing his luck today. And every other day.

"Fine," he snarled, and Lily, her nose firmly in the air, turned on her heel and marched up towards the school.

x-x-x-x-x

"Come on, Moony, Potions is a loss after this morning so you may as well come outside."

"Not now, Pads."

It was not unusual to hear the Marauders before you saw them. Black's voice rang clearly across the common room as Lily climbed in through the portrait hole and saw Remus, bent over a heap of notes, surrounded by his three friends. None of them seemed to be being very helpful. Potter was lying on his back, flicking through the Quibbler. Pettigrew was cross-legged on the floor, letting what Lily recognised as a miniature Quidditch player (she neither knew nor cared which) run over his hands. Black was sitting on the arm of Remus' chair, poking him in the side.

"Let him work." Lily's voice floated menacingly across the room, and the four boys looked up. Remus reddened slightly, burrowing his nose instantly back into his textbook. Black slid off the arm of the chair, landing so that he, too, was cross-legged, and folded his arms petulantly. Potter threw away the magazine and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Or what, Evans?" demanded Black, though it was hard for Lily to take him seriously when he was acting like a toddler. Not that she ever usually took him seriously.

"Or detention, Black," she snapped back, realising too late that she was folding her own arms in imitation of his pose.

"You can't give us detention for trying to cheer up a friend," piped up Pettigrew, but Lily ignored him and turned to Potter. "Can't you just leave him be?"

"Er…" Potter was evidently torn between the instinct to disobey all commands, and a desire to please her.

"He doesn't want us to leave him be!" interjected Black, sensing Potter's weakness. "Do you, Remus?"

"Just until after the exam, Pads," Remus mumbled pleadingly, without looking up.

Lily fixed Black with a glare, but he didn't seem to notice. He just rolled his eyes. "Fine. Try not to work yourself up about it. Come on, Prongs."

Lily watched as the three boys picked themselves up and filed out of the room, before crossing to perch in the armchair by Remus. "Are you okay?"

He made a non-committal noise. "I'm hoping if I can get an Outstanding in the written paper it'll pull the whole thing up to a pass mark."

"You'll be fine," Lily told him bracingly. "Your essays were always the best, even if…"

"It doesn't translate into the practical side?" He looked up at her, and though he looked tired, his smile was genuine. "Yeah. Hope so."

She watched him work for a moment, before standing. "Anyway. I should let you get on."

"Thanks, Lily."

"It's all right. I could tell they weren't helping."

He snorted. "I didn't really mean that. They'd have got the message eventually. I just meant for… You know, caring."

"Oh." Lily thought about it for a moment. Perhaps Remus was right. It had, after all, been Remus who had convinced Black and the others to leave, not her. "Well… No problem."

She turned to go, but he called after her. "Wait."

She looked back at him. "What's the matter?"

"I was about to ask you the same question."

She squirmed inwardly. "What do you mean?"

"You're not very good at hiding it when someone's annoyed you. Someone other than Sirius and James, I mean."

"Oh," she said again, and hesitated. "I was just talking to Sev…"

Remus gave a slow nod. He knew how strained their friendship had been recently. "More of the same?"

"Pretty much."

"Ah."

She turned to go again, but then spun around on the spot. "He called you a half-human mongrel," she burst out, suddenly furious. "I mean, half-blood's bad enough, but to make out like you – or me or anyone else with Muggle blood isn't even human…" She tailed off at the expression on his face. He had gone abnormally pale. "Oh Remus, I didn't… I shouldn't have told you. It's not personal, you know. I mean, it is, but he would have said the same about anyone with a Muggle parent…"

Remus laughed, but it was hideously forced. "Yes," he said, though he didn't sound convinced. "I suppose he would."

"Remus…"

"It's fine, Lily." He smiled up at her, but this time there was none of the warmth that had been there moments ago. "Well, it's not, obviously, but I mean… You know."

"Yeah," she agreed, suddenly breathless. Because she did know. Of course it wasn't fine that people like her and Remus were getting used to those sorts of remarks, but it was important not to let on that it hurt. Because admitting it hurt would mean admitting it mattered, and admitting that the insults mattered meant admitting that they were insults in the first place. And really, there was nothing insulting about having Muggle parents.

"I should go," she said again, and this time, she hurried out of the common room before either of them had the chance to say any more.

x-x-x-x-x

"Lily?"

Lily groaned. She had been on the edge of sleep when Marlene spoke. "Marlene, you are as good at Charms as I am, so don't even think about asking me…"

"Dear Merlin, Lily, do you ever think about anything other than work? That's not what I wanted."

"Hmm?" Lily pushed herself upright, looking across the room at Marlene. They were the only two awake – Jackie and Mary had gone to bed long before, and Alice had dropped off in the common room, curled up in an armchair with Frank (who had been released from the Hospital Wing as good as new).

"I overheard something earlier."

"Oh?" She couldn't help but wish that Marlene would get to the point. On the other hand, there was a wicked glint in the other witch's eyes that she didn't like at all.

"Rumour has it that you've been spending a lot of time with Remus Lupin lately."

Lily stared dumbly at her. "Marlene, I've _always_ spent time with Remus."

Marlene's eyes widened. "So James is right! You are together!"

"I… what? Where on earth did you get that from?" Lily wondered if her words had somehow transmuted on their way across the dormitory. "We're friends, we've always been friends, nothing has changed…"

"It has," Marlene told her, "Because James has noticed. And he's not happy."

Lily groaned. "Marlene…"

"Just something to think about," said Marlene smugly, and before Lily had time to protest, she whipped the hangings around her bed shut, leaving Lily staring at a wall of red velvet.

Lily sank back onto the pillow. _Just something to think about._ Yeah, as if she didn't have enough on her mind. It was all nonsense, of course (she shuddered as her memory flashed back to an extremely awkward conversation she had had with Remus on the subject some two months previously), but that didn't mean she was happy with the idea of people discussing her behind her back.

And she especially wasn't in the mood for dealing with an unhappy James Potter. Last time she had felt sorry for James, she had gone and kissed him, and look where that had gotten her.

She groaned again, and Marlene sniggered in reply. Lily was about to make a cutting remark, but then she decided that it wasn't worth the effort. She rolled over and buried her face in the pillow, and waited for sleep to come.


	3. Tuesday: Charms

**Thank you to Invisiblegirl3 and livybear for your reviews on chapter two. Yes, this story is going to include the scene from OotP in which Sev calls Lily a mudblood.**

* * *

For the first time in what felt like years, Lily woke on Tuesday morning in her own time, on her own terms, without someone poking her or yelling at her or waving a textbook in her face. For a moment she smiled up at the canopy above her, enjoying the sensation. Then she realised that the room around her was strangely quiet, and a nasty feeling churned in her stomach.

The nasty feeling increased ten-fold after she had rolled over the check her watch, and realised she had only fifteen minutes to get to her Charms practical examination.

Fourteen and a half minutes later, Lily skidded to a halt outside the Great Hall. Or rather, she attempted to. Unfortunately, she misjudged things slightly and rather than gliding to a graceful standstill in the middle of the Entrance Hall, as she had intended, she crashed bodily into Remus.

Remus steadied her with a strained smile. "I was beginning to worry."

_"I was beginning to worry."_

Lily turned slowly to find herself staring into James Potter's sulking face. She hadn't heard such a whingey, mocking tone of voice since primary school.

"I'm sorry, Potter," she replied. "If I'd realise you'd worry, I'd have been ten minutes later."

"What, and upset _Remus_?" he spat back, with alarming vitriol.

"Prongs…" interjected Remus soothingly, but Potter just gave him a disgusted look and turned away.

"What now?" Lily was getting rather bored of Potter's bizarre mood swings, all of which seemed to centre around her. "What could I possibly have done?"

"You haven't done anything, Lily." Remus looked exhausted. She hoped he wasn't making himself even more ill with all the stress.

"What did you do, then?"

"Again, nothing. It's just James making up reasons to be upset because his head can't cope in a world free of drama." Lily had never heard so much annoyance in Remus' voice when he spoke about a fellow Marauder before, and suddenly her midnight conversation with Marlene came flooding back. "Wait, does he think…?"

"You and I? Yes. Well, not really, I don't think, but it's giving him a reason to sulk and a reason for Sirius to encourage him and Peter to moon over him, so he'll egg it out for all it's worth."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake…"

"I know."

While they had been talking, Professor Tofty had appeared in the doorway of the Great Hall, and was waving for quiet. He was a small man and not many people had noticed, but Lily spotted him now out of the corner of her eye and nodded pointedly in his direction. Remus turned, and the others around them began to settle down too.

Lily was barely listening as Professor Tofty gave them their instructions. Black, Potter and Pettigrew were standing just in front of her, and she found herself watching them. Potter was staring morosely at Tofty, somehow managing to convey with his mere stance a sense of heartbroken betrayal. Pettigrew was watching him closely, biting his lower lip. Black was on his other side, watching Professor Tofty with his head tilted to the left slightly. His stance spoke of nothing but resigned boredom, until he turned around and saw Lily watching him.

And then, damn him a thousand times, he _winked._

x-x-x-x-x

"Black _knows_ there's nothing going on between us."

"My Cheering Charms were a triumph, thank you for asking. And of course he knows, he's just winding James up because he thinks it's funny."

Lily had found Remus sitting in a corner of the common room, reading Grade Five of _The Standard._ She fell into a chair next to him, not stopping to wonder whether the other Marauders might be lurking close by. "But _why_?"

"Lily, do you not know Sirius at all? He just derives some sick pleasure from the suffering of those around him." Remus set down his book. "It's all right; it'll all blow over by this evening. Did you speak to him, anyway?"

"Hmm?"

"Sirius. Did he tell you he knew it wasn't true?"

"No. He just winked."

"Ah, yes, that does sound like Sirius."

"Remind me why you're friends with them?"

"There are no words."

"Humph."

"Speaking of 'why are you even friends with him', did you speak to Snape today?"

Lily's heart sank. "No."

"He was staring at you all the while we waited to go into the exam."

"I know."

Remus sighed. "Honestly, Lily, if it were anyone else I'd be telling you just to break his abnormally large nose and make sure to stay out of his way in future…"

"I sense a 'but'."

"_But_, I know you won't do that lightly and you're probably all he's got to keep him, well, safe I suppose…"

"Not a Death Eater, you mean."

"Hmm. Maybe that. Anyway, maybe you should talk to him."

Lily leaned back in her seat, her eyes fluttering closed. "I know, I just…"

"You'll only blame yourself if you don't and something happens."

"I know."

Neither spoke again, until a loud, annoying voice rang out across the common room. "Well, doesn't _this_ look cosy…"

Lily opened her eyes again, to find Potter marching towards them. Black loped behind him, amusement flickering across his smug face, and Pettigrew brought up the rear.

"Give it a rest, James," said Remus softly.

"I'm not doing _anything…_"

"Yes, you are. You're being a complete and utter pillock."

Lily surprised herself with the ferocity of her tone, and Potter took a step back in surprise. Black looked up, suddenly interested.

"Remus and I are just _friends,_ Potter, not that it's got anything to do with you, since you'd have no right to complain if we were anything else…"

"Lily…" put in Remus warningly, but she ignored him. "It's not as though we haven't all got enough to worry about without you playing the martyr, so just give us all a break and…"

She was interrupted when Black began, very slowly, and sarcastically if such a thing were possible, to clap.

In unison, she, Potter, Remus and Pettigrew turned to look at him.

"Very good, Evans," he said, his eyes glittering wickedly. "Quite the show, much better than I expected. But you'll excuse me if I stop you before you really get into your stride, I have a few Charms questions to ask Remus and I could tell you were warming to your theme."

Lily glared at him, too stunned to reply. If there was one thing she found more annoying than James Potter, it was being cut off when she was ranting about James Potter.

Black let his mouth fall open, and Lily realised too late that he was imitating her own gobsmacked expression. Slamming her jaw shut, she threw a disgusted look over him and Potter, and marched off without another word.

x-x-x-x-x

"There you are!"

Lily slowed to a halt and stared incredulously at Sev. He was smiling at her. Smiling, as if nothing had even happened.

"How was the exam?" He patted the grass beside him. "I mean, you're great at Charms, so obviously it went well, but Exceeds Expectations well, or Out…"

"Sev!"

He stopped mid-word. "What?"

"Why are you acting like nothing happened, Sev?"

"What do you mean?"

"We had a fight yesterday, remember?"

He frowned. "We have fights all the time."

She sighed. "Yes, I suppose we do, now."

"Well, then," he said, and patted the grass again as if that settled the matter. She gaped at him for a moment, before flopping dejectedly onto the ground beside him. "But Sev…"

He turned to look at her, and not for the first time, she was taken aback by the intensity of his stare. "Lily. It's fine. We're fine."

He was trying, she realised with a stab of fury, to _reassure_ her. He thought she was _worried._ Well, she wasn't, she was bloody _enraged._ "No, Sev, it is not _fine._ You cannot talk about my friends like that and just expect me to be okay about it…"

"But Lily…"

"But nothing! It's like you're _trying_ to make me hate you, Sev…"

"Why would I do that?" He looked genuinely confused.

"I have no idea," she replied brutally, and collapsed onto her back. For a few moments she stared longingly up at the cloudless sky, but too soon the peace was disturbed as Sev's worried face loomed above her. "Lily?"

"What?"

"You know I don't want you to hate me?"

She supressed a groan. "Yes."

"And you don't hate me?"

She hesitated, but only for a fraction of a second, and he didn't seem to notice. "No."

"But I should probably apologise for what I said about Lupin?"

"Yes."

"Okay." There was a long pause. "I'm sorry, Lily."

And she knew he didn't mean it. He didn't see why he should have to apologise, didn't care one jot about Remus, didn't understand that it wasn't just the words, it was what was behind them. It was the cold snobbery and haughty disdain and worse, it was the shadow of You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters that fell over her whenever she saw a pureblood sneer.

And what stung the most was knowing that Sev's own father was a Muggle. A stinking, drunken, violent Muggle squatting on the edge of Cokeworth.

But she didn't have the energy to argue anymore, so she closed her eyes and muttered "Okay."


	4. Wednesday: Ancient Runes

**Thank you to beautifulheartbreak, Divergent Olympian, totalreadr, and dancingonstars for your reviews to Chapter Three. dancingonstars, your Jily fix is coming tomorrow, I promise. Hold on for me.**

* * *

"A whole day off." Marlene was sprawled on her bed, flicking through _Witch Weekly._ "I can't imagine how terrible it must be to have an exam this afternoon…"

"Shut up," growled Mary, stabbing her quill so hard against the parchment that ink splattered. Lily and Marlene glanced at each other. Mary was usually far too quiet and polite to snap at people – exam stress must really be getting to her. Marlene looked as though she was about to comment, but Lily flashed her a warning look before returning to her notes. She, like Mary, had her Ancient Runes paper that afternoon.

"Think I might go and find Jackie," said Marlene after a moment, throwing an exasperated look at the pair of them. "You're no fun."

Lily bit back a remark, and saw Mary's fists tighten out of the corner of her eye.

"Toodles," said Marlene, who seemed to be enjoying herself, and she sauntered past them out of the room.

Lily let out a sigh of relief. "Thank Merlin for…"

"Are you really seeing Remus Lupin?"

Lily looked up in surprise. "What? No, of course not!"

"Oh." Mary had gone rather red. "Okay, then."

Lily watched her curiously for a moment. "Mary…"

"Yes. I mean, maybe. I don't know. I'm going to the library." All of this came out very fast, and before Lily knew what was happening, Mary had half jumped, half fallen off her bed, Rune dictionary in hand, and was running out of the room.

x-x-x-x-x

"To be fair, I don't think that was too bad."

Lily allowed herself a modest smile. "I think it went rather well, actually."

"Well, then, on to the next, before we become too satisfied with ourselves…"

As soon as their Runes exam was over, Lily and Remus had headed up to the library. Neither of them particularly wanted to study, but with only two days of exams left, they felt like they were on the homeward stretch.

"Do you know, I think I might even go to dinner today, instead of turning up in the kitchens hungry at three in the morning," said Remus conversationally, dropping his bag into an empty seat.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I keep telling you, that's not healthy. And how do you get into the kitchens, anyway?"

"Black magic," joked Remus, who was rummaging in his bag for _The Dark Arts: A Guide to Self-Protection._ "Speaking of which…"

Lily groaned. "I know, I know."

They both settled down to work. Lily flicked through her notes on grindylows, glancing up at her companion now and then.

"What?" Remus hadn't lifted his eyes from his book, but had somehow noticed her looks.

Lily bit her lip. She probably shouldn't say anything, but…

"Mary likes you," she blurted suddenly, before she could stop herself. "Well, she didn't say so exactly, but she was all upset when she thought we were seeing each other and then when I told her we weren't she went all pink and babbly and…"

"Breathe, Lily, for Merlin's sake."

She allowed herself a scowl. "Aren't you interested?"

Remus' brow furrowed. "It's… it's new information, certainly."

"That's all you've got to say?"

"What would you like me to say?"

"Well, what do you think?"

Remus sighed, and set down his book. "I think that's very… flattering, but…"

"Don't you like her?"

"I…" He paused, frowning at her. "I never really thought about it. I suppose it doesn't really matter."

"Why doesn't it matter?"

"Because…" She waited an age for the sentence to end, but he just sighed heavily. "It just doesn't, Lily."

"But…"

"Drop it, Lily."

x-x-x-x-x

Two somewhat tense hours later, Remus nudged Lily with his foot. "I'm going to go check in with the others before dinner. Make sure they haven't set fire to anything in my absence, you know how it is…"

"I'm afraid I do."

"See you in a bit?"

"Right."

Remus shuffled away, and Lily ran her fingers through her hair, staring hopelessly down at her notes on vampires. As a Muggle she found it particularly difficult not to get confused with Count Dracula. The only effect of feeding garlic to a real vampire was ensuring that when it drank your blood, it would also have rancid breath.

She was just considering giving up and going to find Mary, when a voice floated to her from the other side of the nearest bookshelf. "In all honesty, Severus, it's getting a little embarrassing."

Her heart sank. She had overheard a conversation between Sev and his Slytherin friends once before. It hadn't left her feeling particularly cheerful.

"It's nothing." His voice was always so much colder, when speaking to Rosier (for his was the other voice), than it was with her. "I keep telling you, it's nothing."

Lily had a horrible feeling that by 'it', he meant Lily herself.

"And yet we keep seeing you with her." So Regulus Black was there too, confirming Lily's suspicions. "The Mudblood. Is it just her, Severus, or is it all her little friends? The half-bloods and the blood traitors…"

Lily had heard enough. Very quietly, she began to gather her things. Sev was spluttering some general words of denial when she knocked a stack of books with her bag and they toppled to the ground with an almighty thundering.

"Who's there?" That was Mulciber, and to her eternal shame, Lily found herself ducking behind a desk as he leant round the bookcase. For a few moments, her heart thudding, she wondered why she was hiding, as his small, dark eyes squinted around her corner. Then he retreated and she allowed herself to breathe again. "Just some books falling down," she heard her say, as she snatched up her bag and scampered quickly away.

Why had she hidden? The question nagged at her all the way to the Great Hall. There was just something inherently unappetising about being caught in the library by four (or possibly more) Slytherins.

_One of whom is your best friend,_ she reminded herself, but even in her head the words sounded ridiculous. The best friend who was, right at that very moment, denying caring about her very existence.

x-x-x-x-x

"What's the matter?"

Lily looked up from her textbook. "Hmm?"

"You've been edgy ever since dinner," Marlene observed matter-of-factly. She, for reasons best known to herself, was dangling upside-down off the edge of her bed, long blonde hair streaming out over the floor. She flipped over, and pulled herself up into a sitting position. "Like, properly edgy, not just exam stuff. What happened?"

Lily hesitated. She was never sure, whenever Marlene made enquiries of that sort, whether she was genuinely concerned or just nosey. On the other hand, Mary and Alice had looked up from their notes too, and both had similar expressions of anxious curiosity on their faces.

She was just deciding what, if anything, to tell them, when Jackie appeared from the bathroom. "Jackie, tell Lily she's being edgy," demanded Marlene.

"You're being edgy," Jackie agreed obediently, flopping onto her bed. "What's going on?"

Lily sighed. The disadvantage of sharing a room with four girls was that once you got their attention like this, there really was no escape. "I just overheard Sev in the library…" she began, but Marlene cut across her. "Oh for Merlin's sake, Lily, don't tell me you're still being surprised by whatever vile stuff that snake comes out with."

Lily stared blankly at her for a few moments. "Actually, that's the problem," she said heavily after a while. "I'm not surprised at all."

"But it upset you?" Mary was frowning at her, sucking on the end of her quill.

"No." Lily gave a hollow laugh. "But the fact that I'm not upset upsets me."

"Well that's just nonsense," said Jackie, but Lily glanced at Alice, then at Mary, and saw that they understood.

"It's not nonsense," Alice said gently. "Snape used to be Lily's friend…"

"Still is," Lily put in. "Technically," she amended, as all four turned to stare sceptically at her. "I know we don't act like it…"

"All right," amended Alice, "Snape _is_ Lily's friend, so it should make her upset when he's… well, Snape…"

Marlene gave a dark chuckle.

"_But_," continued Alice firmly, over Marlene, "It doesn't, and that makes Lily sad because it means they're not really friends anymore, and it's never nice when you realise that about someone."

Lily felt a rush of gratitude towards the other girl.

"Yeah, but when that someone is _Snape_…" Jackie began to argue, but Alice cut her off. "None of us ever really knew Snape except for Lily. There might have been something worth being friends with once."

"There was," said Lily, half to herself. She was remembering mornings spent on the riverbank at home, making ripples in the water with her mind. Sev had said she was special. Sev had told her she was brilliant.

Sev had come running to her whenever his father got too violent. She had always tried to protect the scrawny boy.

But how was she supposed to protect him now, when he kept pulling away?

"Still with us, Lily?"

She blinked, and realised that her dorm mates were all staring at her. "I… sorry. I was just thinking."

"Well, think on this." Marlene's voice was firm. "Whatever he was whenever he wasn't the snake he is now…"

"Just give me a second to get my head round that sentence…"

"You know exactly what I mean. Whatever he was then, he's not now. You owe him nothing anymore."

"I…"

"_Nothing,_" repeated Marlene firmly.

Lily looked to the others for help. Jackie was nodding sagely. Mary gave an apologetic grimace. "He scares me, Lily."

Lily could understand that. Mary, like herself, was Muggle-born. She had every reason to feel uneasy about Sev and his cronies.

But Lily knew better – didn't she?

And then, at last, Alice spoke up again. "I think Marlene's probably right, Lily."

Lily turned to face Alice. She was probably the girl whose judgement she trusted the most. "I…"

"I know. I think. But the point is, he's not your friend anymore. If he was he wouldn't say these things about you, and it would upset more when he does. But that's not how it is, is it?"

_No,_ thought Lily heavily. _It isn't._

"I'm not going to tell you what to do…"

"I am," interrupted Marlene, but once again Alice, speaking firmly, overrode her. "But I do think you should think very carefully about just letting it go, Lily."

x-x-x-x-x

"Is anyone awake?"

Lily burrowed her face into her pillow. She had been about to fall asleep when Mary spoke.

"Marlene?"

No response.

"Alice?"

Nothing. Jackie was clearly asleep, and snoring with it.

"Lily?"

"Hmm?" Lily didn't look up, but at the same time couldn't make herself ignore the other girl.

"You won't tell Remus, will you?"

Lily was glad her face was covered. "Of course not," she said, as her insides squirmed uncomfortably. She could never tell Mary about her conversation with Remus; not when he had been so dismissive.

"Thanks."

There was silence for almost a full minute.

"I was only pretending to be asleep," said Marlene suddenly, her voice full of taunting amusement. "Tell Remus what, eh, Mary?"

Mary made a frustrated choking noise.

* * *

**I'm aware that I don't always present Marlene in a particularly sympathetic light: it's not that I have anything against the character (how can I, we know barely anything canon about her) but I needed some of the girls to be less endearing than others, and I'd rather manipulate a canon-character to do my bidding than have too many OCs. So yep, nothing personal against Marlene. I'm just saying this because I know she does have fans out there, particularly when shipped with Sirius.**


	5. Thursday: Defence Against the Dark Arts

**Okay, so this chapter deals with a lot of canon events. Basically, any dialogue written in bold is in JKR's own words, and the general plot and order of events is also lifted directly from OotP/DH, apart from all the bits you don't recognise. But there's a twist at the end - the bit of the memory Harry never got to see, because Sev never knew either.**

* * *

Lily fell heavily onto the ground beside Alice. "That was…"

"Grim?" suggested Mary.

"Well, yeah."

"Still, over now."

"Only one more to go!" Marlene landed neatly on the grass on Lily's other side. "Transfiguration tomorrow, and then freedom!"

"I don't know how you can be so happy after three hours of DADA," grumbled Jackie, flopping onto her back and staring up at the sky. Lily threw her a sympathetic look.

"Uh oh," said Alice quietly, not listening to the others.

"What?"

Lily turned in the direction Alice had nodded towards. She saw, with a sinking feeling, Potter and Black, accompanied of course by Remus and Pettigrew, sitting a little way up the bank of the lake, and Sev, hunched unawares over his book only a few yards away from them.

"That's not going to end well," said Marlene. Lily glanced over at her, and realised that Marlene was staring at Lily, as if waiting to see what she was going to do. Almost as though it were a test.

"Just let them get on with it," said Alice warningly. "It's not any of our business if they want to fight amongst themselves."

"It's not amongst themselves, though, is it," argued Lily, as, right on cue, Potter and Black began to approach Sev. "It's four against one."

"Two against one, don't think Pettigrew and Lupin have much to do with it," corrected Marlene. "Ooh, look, it's going to get messy…"

Three wands had been drawn, and Lily found herself getting to her feet. Jackie gave an audible groan. "Just let it go, Lily, it's not…"

"It's bullying," said Lily defiantly, "And I'm a prefect."

"It's not just that, it's _personal,_" protested Jackie, before Marlene took over. "It _is_ personal, and it's personal to _you,_ and that's why you should stay here and let the little snake get what he deserves for a change…"

But Lily had already gone.

As she approached the scene, she heard Black's menacing tones. "**Wait for what? What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?**"

She didn't hear Sev's response, but she suspected it contained a few of her father's choicest curses, because moments later Potter was lifting his wand. "**Wash your mouth out. ****_Scourgify!_**"

"**LEAVE HIM ALONE!**" Lily bellowed, and Black and Potter spun round to face her. Black's eyes glittered with antagonistic amusement. _Go on then,_ his gaze said. _Come and try it, make my day._

Potter, the pathetic halfwit, ran his fingers through his hair. "**All right, Evans?**"

Lily, as always, ignored the greeting. "**Leave him alone. What's he done to you?**" she demanded, focusing her energies on Potter. Black, she knew, had no reason to stop just to please her, but Potter might just give in if she shamelessly exploited his one apparent weakness…

"**Well, it's more just the fact that he exists, really**,**" **replied Potter lazily. _So much for that theory_, though Lily grimly, as the gathering crowd around her began to snigger. She threw a hopeless glance at Remus, but his eyes were fixed determinedly on his book. Ordinarily she might have been disappointed in him, but if he was even less well disposed towards Sev than usual, that was her own fault, wasn't it?

So instead of berating her fellow prefect on neglecting his duty, she turned back to Potter._ "_**You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter**," she snarled, and she thought she saw him wince with very insult. Hopeful that he might be wavering, she finished triumphantly, "**Leave him ****_alone_****!**"

For a moment she genuinely thought he might lower his wand. But then a smile that she didn't like at all crossed his face. "**I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on… Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.**"

And she realised, with an unpleasant lurch, that this was punishment. Punishment for kissing him, punishment for choosing Sev over him, punishment for letting him think that she liked Remus. He knew she wasn't going to say yes but he was saying it anyway, because it stripped her of the one power she had over him. If he was going to pretend that it was him calling the shots, she had no hope.

Anger flooded through her, but she supressed it. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "**I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,**" she told him coolly.

Black, who had been looking increasingly bored throughout their exchange, commanded Potter's attention again. "**Bad luck, Prongs**," he said, and then suddenly his voice rang out in a shout. "**OI!**"

Lily and Potter turned in unison to see Sev flailing his wand wildly in Potter's direction. He didn't say a word, and not for the first time, Lily was taken aback by her friend's capability at wordless magic. This time, however, she was alarmed rather than impressed as an ugly gash sliced across Potter's cheek.

A sickened feeling churned in the pit of Lily's stomach. She wasn't familiar with that spell but whatever it was, it was dark. Dark, dark magic, and it frightened her.

Potter, however, didn't miss a beat. He didn't seem to register how dangerous the magic Sev had just used might have been. Lily never knew whether it was him or Black who cast the spell, but within moments Sev was dangling upside down in the air, his robes falling down to expose his tattered underpants to the world.

Potter and the crowd burst into peals of laughter. The look of pure joy on Potter's face, despite the cut marring it, was oddly contagious and for a moment Lily, forgetting why she had come over, forgetting what she had just seen, almost smiled.

Then she realised that Potter was glancing at her and remembered how smug he would be if he thought she'd been amused. "**Let him down!**" she protested again.

Potter, who had clearly seen the momentary smile in her eyes, grinned broadly. "**Certainly.**"

Moments later, Sev was on the ground again, scrabbling for his wand. Black, who of course had no interest at all in impressing Lily, waved his wand casually. "**_Petrificus totalus!_****"**

Sev, who had been staggering to his feet, keeled over as the spell took hold of him. The sight was so pathetic that every other thought went out of Lily's head and before she knew what she was doing, her wand was in her hand and pointing directly at Black. "**LEAVE HIM ALONE!**"

She shifted her wand from Black to Potter and back again. Black was sneering, but she was sure she saw a glimmer of nervousness in his face and felt a sadistic jolt of glee at the sight. Potter was even less successful at pretending not to care, but when he spoke, it was with a false confidence. "**Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you.**"

"**Take the curse off him, them!**" demanded Lily. For a moment they stared each other out, but eventually Potter muttered the counter-curse, turning to Sev. "**There you go. You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus –** "

"**I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!**"

Lily blinked several times as the crowd around them fell silent. Had he really said that?

In the stillness, she was sure everyone could hear her heart banging in her chest. Everyone was too shocked to move. Sev was staring at the ground. He didn't even attempt to look at her, to signal an apology with his eyes.

She was the first to break the silence, and when she did, she was impressed by how steady her voice was. "**Fine. I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, ****_Snivellus._**"

Her words seemed to stir everyone else out of their momentary freeze. Potter, his face flushing scarlet, brandished his wand in Sev's face. "**Apologise to Evans!**" he bellowed, and that was when Lily's temper truly broke. Perhaps it was just because it was easier to yell at Potter than it was at Sev. Then again, perhaps it was because Potter really was exceptionally bloody annoying.

"**I don't want ****_you_**** to make him apologise**," she snarled. "**You're as bad as he is.**"

Potter turned to stare at her, aghast. "**What? I'd never call you a – you-know-what!**"

Which wasn't, as Lily saw it, the point. Or perhaps it was the point. Her best friend would throw the most unspeakable words at her in public, whereas this louse was trying to defend her out of some confused notion of nobility or chivalry or whatever else he might want to call it.

After all, giving up on Sev didn't mean she had to change her mind about James Potter, did it?

It certainly did not.

"**Messing up your hair because you think it's cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.**"

The rant left her slightly breathless, and within moments she was feeling guilty. Not that anything she'd said wasn't true, but she had to admit that she was showing slight double standards. She had come here to defend Sev. He had rejected her help. She was fighting with James Potter anyway. She couldn't justify it and she didn't want to have to admit that, so before he could protest she turned on her heel and stormed away, pushing past Marlene and Jackie, who had followed her over to watch, and marched up to the castle. She could hear Potter's voice following her, screaming her name, but she didn't turn around.

x-x-x-x-x

"**I'm sorry.**"

"**I'm not interested.**"

Several hours later, Lily found herself standing outside the portrait hole in her dressing-gown, arms folded as Sev cowered in front of her. "**I'm sorry!**" he tried again, but Lily was having none of it.

"**Save your breath**," she told him. "**I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.**" And looked bloody terrified as she said it, as well. Understandably, really.

"**I was**," he told her defiantly, as though the gesture could change anything. "**I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just –**"

"**Slipped out?" **Lily was too tired to yell at him, too exhausted to fight. She stared at a spot somewhere over his left shoulder as she told him, in a flat voice that sounded utterly alien even to her own ears, "**It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it!**" He stared hopelessly at her, and that passive acceptance riled her to anger again. "**You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you? I can't pretend any more. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.**"

"**No – listen, I didn't mean –"** There was panic in his voice, but Lily didn't care. "**To call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?**"

He had no answer to that. He stared, pleadingly, for a few more moments, before Lily had had enough. Without wasting another word on him, she turned and clambered back into Gryffindor tower. Where she belonged.

The common room was empty, and Lily was relieved. She couldn't face the girls, or anyone else, just yet. As the portrait swung shut behind her, she crossed the room and fell, face down, onto the sofa opposite the fire.

She held out for a few more moments, before an immense sob wracked her body.

It wasn't, she reflected as she lay there crying, as though it was any great shock. This day had been coming for months. Years, even. And it was the best thing for everyone and she felt relieved and resolute and free and yet…

And yet Alice had been right. Admitting to giving up on Sev was the hardest thing she'd ever made herself do, but what choice did she have?

"Lily?"

_Oh no, not him, not now._

Potter was impervious to her psychic signals. She heard the stairs creak, and then his bare feet padding across the carpet, before she sensed him standing over her. "Lily?" he said again.

"What?" She wanted to stay with her head buried in a cushion, but instead she forced herself to sit up, rolling over to look at him. She knew her face was tear-stained and her eyes red, but it was only Potter so what did it matter?

His face, when she saw it, surprised her. More than that, it tugged uncomfortably at some forgotten knot in her stomach, and she bit her lip to drag herself back from the disorientating jolt. Potter sat down beside her without asking, his face full of concern. "Lily, I'm sorry, I really am…"

And then, shamefully, she burst into tears again. Because James Potter was irritating, and arrogant, and yes something of a bully, but today he had stuck up for her and she had screamed in his face, and now he was apologising and she wasn't sure but she felt as though she had maybe messed up somewhere, but she didn't know where or how or what she could do to make it better, so she cried instead.

And instead of running away from her meltdown into insanity, James wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in close, and she leaned against his chest and sobbed heartily into his pyjamas, her treacherous arms snaking themselves around his waist and clinging, just clinging on as she cried.

She didn't know how long they sat there, like that, but it was long enough that at some point, embarrassment kicked in. But she couldn't pull away, couldn't face him yet, so she stopped crying at stayed very still, hoping that he would think she had cried herself to sleep and leave her on the sofa and go upstairs to bed.

But he didn't. Perhaps he did think she was asleep, but instead of letting her go, he dropped a soft kiss onto the top of her head.

And the something in Lily Evans' stomach tugged again, harder this time, and she pulled back to look at him, and he looked surprised and a little guilty, which made her think that yes, he must have thought she'd fallen asleep, but she didn't let herself dwell on that or on his worried eyes or, Merlin forbid, on the fact that her face was so red and blotchy, and instead she leaned up and kissed him once, softly.

They sat, frozen, foreheads resting against one another, their noses touching. Lily's eyes were closed, so she didn't see that his were too. After a moment like that, he took over, and brushed his lips against hers again. His touch was soft and sweet and Lily didn't move, just let his mouth move over hers, until, too soon, he pulled away.

Lily opened her eyes. James was staring down at her, his expression torn. He looked as though he was fighting the urge to swoop in again, to kiss her again, harder, longer, over and over again, and for a moment she wanted him to give in.

But no. The other part of him – the part that was looking at her with such concern, and was it also fear? – won over. He forced a slight smile which she returned, horribly aware that her eyes were filling up again.

He seemed to be struggling for words. "I… I should probably… Bed, maybe." There was a thought in there somewhere, but its incoherence was dazzling, Lily nodded slowly, as her stomach twisted itself in and out of knots. "I… I'm sorry. I mean, not for… Well, that too, if… I don't know… Goodnight."

At the last word he stood up rather abruptly, and almost ran up the stairs to his dormitory. Lily stayed on the sofa for a long time, just staring at the door through which he had disappeared.


	6. Friday: Transfiguration

**Thank you to BlondeLunaa, Divergent Olympian and Cee for your reviews to the last chapter :) This update was initially two chapters (hence why it's a bit longer than usual) but I decided that ending on the last scene would be a bit too miserable, and consequently you might all try to lynch me, so there will be a nice reconciliation(ish) scene tomorrow.**

* * *

Lily fell asleep on Thursday night surprisingly quickly. When Friday morning dawned, however, she awoke in a fury.

What exactly had Potter been thinking? There she'd been, crying her eyes out, and he'd decided to take advantage of a moment of vulnerability and kiss her.

_You kissed him,_ said a treacherous little voice inside her head. _Shut up,_ Lily told it, and the voice obliged.

If Mary was confused as to why Lily hovered at the top of the stairs, waiting to make sure the common room was clear before going down, she didn't ask questions. Sure that Potter was about to come downstairs at any moment, and very clear in her mind that she didn't want to see him, Lily darted across the room and catapulted out of the portrait hole.

There was, unfortunately, no avoiding Potter for long; Lily needed breakfast, and so she had to brave the possibility of seeing him, and march right into the Great Hall.

She saw, out of the corner of her eye, Potter look up as she stalked by him. She forced herself to look straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge him but aware of his gaze following her as she passed. She was feet away from the girls, if she could just sit down then she'd be obscured by Frank's bulky form and…

Then Black, may he rot in hell, followed his best friend's stare to find Lily, already blushing, and _wolf-whistled._ "The future Mrs Potter, ladies and gentlemen."

Black's voice, when he wanted it to, could carry for miles. Lily was sure even Professor Dumbeldore's ears pricked up as a snigger dissipated across the hall, spreading outwards from the leering Black. She flung herself into a seat between Frank and Jackie, crouching low over the table so that people couldn't see her face. "Please tell me people don't know who he's talking about…"

"Everyone has known for years that the future Mrs Potter is you, Lily," said Frank, his lips curling in amusement. Alice, sitting opposite him, reached across to swat playfully at his arm. "Behave."

"And there's no chance everyone thinks he's changed his mind overnight and Black's talking about Clara Abbott or something?" Lily checked, not holding out much hope.

"Clara's staring at you and laughing, Lily, and you're hiding behind a milk jug. I think it's pretty obvious who Black's talking about," said Mary, who had slid into the space beside Marlene. "What is less obvious is why it's bothering you so much this morning, when you normally just ignore it."

Lily made an incoherent noise and lifted her head off her arms just long enough to grab the butter. "I might eat under the table, if that's okay with everyone."

"If it's any consolation, James did wait until I'd left the room before he told the others that you kissed him again," said Frank conversationally, pouring milk onto his cereal. "It's not like _he's_ boasting about it..."

"So why do _you_ know?" Lily asked in frustration, as the girls turned as one to stare at her.

"Sirius."

"Of course." Lily, who had finished buttering her toast, slid carefully off the bench onto the floor.

"Don't be pathetic, Lily," said Marlene, prodding her with her foot.

"Everyone's already staring, hiding's just making it more obvious you're embarrassed," pointed out Mary sensibly, but Lily was too desolate to pay her any attention.

"And more importantly, now _I'm_ embarrassed, just for being with you," added Marlene. "Grow. A. Pair."

"No."

"Oh, just leave her," said Jackie, going back to her bacon.

"Well, all right, but you should probably know, Lily, that Sirius is watching and I don't like the expression on his face," warned Frank. "Watch out for unexpected jinxes or escaped nifflers roaming around under the table."

"Where would Black get a niffler from?" Alice asked sceptically, but Lily, who was far too aware of what Black could do if he set his mind to it, took a deep breath and emerged from under the table. "I just dropped my fork," she lied unconvincingly.

"So," mused Jackie, as Lily settled back onto the bench. "I feel like we're tiptoeing around the point a bit… Why _did_ you kiss James?"

"I'll go back under the table."

"No," said Marlene. "Tell."

"Is this to do with Snape?" Mary asked worriedly.

Lily grimaced. "We, er… Well, I told him not to… I mean, I said…"

"So. You told Snape to piss off," said Marlene brutally, and although Lily would have preferred a gentler way of putting it, she was grateful for not having to say it herself. "And good riddance, but where does Potter come into this?"

Lily fixed her gaze on her plate. "I was in the common room afterwards…"

"Crying?" Mary prompted gently. Lily gave a non-committal shrug that the girls all understood to mean yes. Frank reached across and gave her arm a comforting squeeze.

"And then Potter just _appeared._" Lily stabbed a fork vindictively into her stack of toast. "How does he always _do_ that, just arrive at _exactly_ the wrong moment?"

"I think he caught the knack off Black," Jackie commented darkly.

"Well, anyway." Now that she was telling the story, Lily didn't want interruptions; she just wanted it over and done with. "He gave me a hug and I just... I don't know what I was thinking…"

"So you did kiss him? I mean, it was you who started it?" Alice was giving her a piercing look.

Lily nodded glumly. Frank chuckled. "Anyone would think you were _trying_ to mess with the poor kid's head, Lily."

Lily looked up at him. "Wait a minute, why am _I_ the bad guy here?"

"Well, come on, you've kissed him twice now. The first time you hexed him the next time he spoke to you, and now you're hiding under a table to avoid eye-contact," pointed out Frank reasonably. "I'm just saying, it's probably a bit confusing inside his head right now."

Lily blinked. She _knew_ everything Frank was saying, of course she did, but she would never have put it so bluntly to herself. _I tried,_ said the little voice she'd been shutting out all morning. _But you didn't want to hear it._

_Still,_ she argued back, _he thinks it's confusing in _his_ head? Oh, cry me a river._

_At least _your _confusion's self-inflicted,_ pointed out the voice nastily. _He doesn't have a hope of understanding what's going on no matter how hard he tries to understand._

Lily stood up abruptly. "I think I'm done. And I just remembered, I need to get…" She tailed off, unable to think of anything she could reasonably need to collect from her dormitory. "Yeah," she finished unconvincingly, and slipped away from the others.

"Lily!"

As she strode out of the Great Hall, the call startled her and she spun around to see Potter darting after her. For once, he was alone – Remus, Pettigrew, and Black still sat in their places at the Gryffindor table. For a moment she froze, then remembered herself and turned away, marching out of the Hall.

He caught up with her in the Entrance Hall. "Lily!"

She turned to face him. "What is it?"

And, to her alarm, he caught hold of her hands and stood there, opposite her, staring at her. "Are you okay, Lily?"

She wrenched herself out of his hold, gaping wordlessly at him. So many times she had effortlessly thrown discouragement, insults, threats, curses at him, but now… There was nothing. No words. She couldn't speak, it was as if her throat had closed up.

All she could do was give a vigorous little shake of the head.

"Lily?" He tried to grab her arm again, but she leapt back, out of his reach. Hurt flashed across his face and that increasingly familiar sinking feeling lurched somewhere in the pit of her stomach, but rather than try to face it, or to face him, she turned tail and fled.

x-x-x-x-x

"I still think it would be better if I…"

Marlene grabbed Lily's arm halfway through her sentence and pushed her to the front of the line of girls. "For that, you can knock."

Lily gritted her teeth. With their last exam finishing that afternoon, Marlene and Black had insisted on arranging a private fifth-year party in the boys' dormitory. Lily had been adamant that she wasn't going, but Marlene had been equally adamant that she must, and Marlene had won.

Alice gave Lily an apologetic look and Mary avoided her eye, but Jackie and Marlene were both watching her expectantly. Trying not to groan aloud, Lily turned her back on all of them and knocked on the door.

It was Pettigrew who answered. "Hi, Lily," he said with a small smile. Lily made herself return it. Last time she had been this close to Pettigrew, she had been in a cupboard trying to make him kiss her.

Apparently the same memory was crossing Pettigrew's mind too, because he quickly looked past her to the others. "Hey, everyone!"

Marlene pushed Lily out of the way. "Peter," she acknowledged, marching into the room. "Did you get firewhiskey?" she shot at Black.

He arched an eyebrow. "Naturally."

Lily's eyes fell on the ominous bottles lined up on a bedside table and felt nauseous. She decided to head for the friendliest face in the room. Frank was sitting on the floor leaning languidly against his bed. "Hey, Lily."

"Hi." She sank to the floor next to him, keeping a respectfully distance so that Alice could lodge herself between them. She did so; Marlene flopped onto Black's bed and lay on her stomach, curling a strand of hair around her finger; Jackie collapsed onto the trunk at the end of Potter's bed; and Mary perched herself bravely on the edge of the neatly made bed upon which Remus was reclined. His nose was buried in a book.

So that, though Lily, made everyone, except…

Water churned in the bathroom as someone flushed the toilet, and moments later Potter appeared. "Oh. You made it."

He wasn't looking at Lily, but she guessed from the way he addressed a point several inches above the top of her head that his words were directed at her. She forced a small smile, but faltered at the dead expression on his face.

Potter crossed the room and sat on the floor, leaning against Black's bed, which was the furthest from Frank's. Pettigrew sat by the door, and Black lifted the bottles of firewhisky off his bedside table, bringing them into the middle of the room. He put them down on the floor and retreated to sit next to his bed, at the opposite end from James. "Book down, Moony."

Remus made a disgruntled noise, and came to sit on the floor between Mary and Lily. The five boys and five girls were now sitting in a rough sort of circle around the dormitory.

"Now, what I thought might be fun, is spin the bottle."

Lily could have killed him. Black was looking directly at her as he spoke.

Remus was the first to object. "Sirius, do you honestly think…"

"Even numbers, it's perfect," said Sirius lazily. "No one has to kiss anyone. There will just be… penalties if they don't."

"Will those penalties involve unreasonable amounts of firewhisky?"

"But of course."

"I'm in." Marlene's hand snaked down from the bed to tangle playfully in Black's hair, and he smirked. "Course you are, McKinnon. Everyone is."

"I'm not."

Potter was staring steadily at a point on the floor about a foot from Lily's shoes.

"Shut up, Prongs," said Black impatiently. "Right, let's get on with it."

He tipped one of the bottles of firewhisky on its side, and spun it. After a few moments, it slowed, and landed on Alice.

"Spin carefully," warned Frank, only half joking, but he needn't have worried. "Is it possible to cheat at spin the bottle?" Jackie wondered aloud, as the couple shared a kiss. Frank winked at her, and spun again. This time, it landed on Jackie.

"You did that on purpose."

"Not possible."

Jackie spun, and got Remus. Mary stiffened as Jackie stood and crossed the room, leaning over to peck Remus on the lips. Remus looked as though he'd barely noticed what had happened. His eyes were narrowed on Potter as he spun.

Oh no.

Lily looked with trepidation at the bottle, which was pointing directly at her. One in nine chance, she thought, it's practically impossible…

And yet inevitable.

Potter looked darkly up at her as the bottle shuddered into stillness. Lily wasn't sure whether she should go to him, or wait for him to come to her.

After a moment's pause, Potter grabbed one of the other firewhisky bottles up from the floor. He pulled the lid off and took a swig, before holding the bottle out for Lily.

"Forfeiting?" pressed Black gleefully. "Not even going to try it? Or is it just a case of been there, done that…"

"Shut up, Black," snarled Lily, at the exact same moment as Potter said "Speaking from experience, I'd rather taste the firewhisky."

Lily reddened. "What?"

"Kissing you really isn't worth the hassle," Potter clarified. He wouldn't look at her. "You're not that good."

Someone sniggered. Lily was too angry and embarrassed to notice who. "Well excuse me, Mr Too-Many-Teeth…"

"I have the exact right number of teeth! It's not my fault you're too enthusiastic and keep crashing into them…"

"Well at least I don't drool!" Lily snapped back triumphantly. "It's like kissing a washing machine with you!"

"A what?"

"A Muggle device for doing laundry," Remus supplied in a dangerously calm voice.

"Well if it's that bad, why do you keep throwing yourself at me?"

Lily wasn't sure when they had both got to their feet. "I do not throw myself at anyone!"

"Not just anyone, no, or you'd be better at it! Just me, poor, innocent me, getting jumped on by a needy, small-minded, self-righteous cow who's too stubborn to admit what she wants…"

"Well if I'm so terrible, why have you made it so abundantly clear that you want me every time we happen to pass in a corridor?"

"Want you? Ha! Who'd want you? Still, you always were good at Potions, I supposed you brewed something up to send me funny just because you enjoyed the attention and liked having someone to hex for no good reason!"

That was so manifestly absurd that Lily marched out of the dormitory. As she pulled the door to with a satisfying slam, she heard Black remark conversationally, "That was entertaining."

She ran to her own dorm and threw herself onto the bed, where she released the scream she had been supressing into the pillow. That conceited louse…

She screamed again. Coherent words were too much effort. Screaming was helpfully expressive.

"Lily?"

It was Mary. Lily rolled over. "What?"

"Just came to see if…"

"I'm fine."

"Oh." Mary sat down on the end of her bed. "Lily, don't worry about James, he just…"

"Ha!" Lily rolled back over so that she was face down. "Go back to the party, Mary."

A few moments later, the door shut softly. Lily felt slightly guilty for being so short with Mary, but she couldn't make herself get up and go after the other girl. She lay still for a minute or two, waiting for her breathing to steady.

Lily had always known that nothing good could ever come of kissing James Potter. She had never imagined, however, that kissing _anyone_ could end up hurting _this_ much.

Was she really needy, small-minded, self-righteous?

Well, if she was, that didn't make him any less arrogant, bullying, ignorant, attention-seeking, or generally unbearable.

Maybe this had to happen, she told herself miserably. Maybe you needed to know what it would be like, so that you'd know never to go there again.

Because of one thing, Lily was in that moment very, very certain. Nothing, not a single thing, could ever convince her to make the mistake of kissing James Potter again.


	7. Saturday: And Relax

Lily didn't sleep well. Each time she dozed off, brown eyes floated through her dreams, angry and watery by turns, staring accusingly at her. Having jerked awake for what felt like the thousandth time, she saw that light was pouring in through the cracks in the curtains. It was early, but it was morning, and there was no use pretending to sleep any longer.

She snatched up some clothes and headed to the bathroom, not wanting to wake the other girls. She dressed and crossed through the dormitory again, snatching a book off her bedside table on her way down to the common room.

As she descended the stairs, she glanced at her watch. It was half past six. Surely no one would be in the common room, at half past six on a Saturday morning?

Unless, of course, they'd been there all night.

As soon as she saw the lumpy form on the sofa, she knew. The blanket had mostly slipped off, revealing that he was still in his school shirt and trousers.

"James?"

He stirred. "Sir'us?"

"Do I sound like Sirius?"

When he realised who it was, he sat up hurriedly. "No… Just thought…"

"It's okay." She crossed the room as he sat up, settling himself at one end of the sofa, and curled up at the other end, facing him.

"Didn't think you were ever planning on coming this close to me again," he said.

"It's half six in the morning. Real life hasn't started yet."

He laughed, but there was a bitter edge to it. "Right. Are you saying I'm still asleep?"

"I'd hope you'd come up with a more exciting dream than this."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head slowly. Lily fiddled anxiously with the hem of her jumper. "Why did you sleep down here?"

"I punched Sirius and stormed out."

"Oh." She blinked several times. "Er… why?"

"He was being a prat."

"Well, that's nothing new."

"I mean, he was being a prat to me."

"Ah."

"I did tell him before that we shouldn't play… you know."

"Oh."

"But you know Sirius."

"Hmm." She paused, waiting for him to carry on, but he didn't. She waited for what seemed like an age.

"I'm sorry."

It surprised her, hearing the words coming from her own mouth. He looked up, clearly twice as befuddled as she was. "Eh?"

"I'm sorry," she said again, and took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have… I mean… You don't kiss like a washing machine."

He stared at her for a few moments, before he began to laugh. "Evans, I still don't know what a washing machine _is_, that was the last thing I was worrying about."

"Fine. Your teeth are okay too."

"Good to know." He hesitated. "For the record, I didn't mean what I said either…"

"I know."

"Oh, do you?" There was a teasing edge to his voice and she gave him a look. "Potter. I'm trying to be nice. Do you have any idea how hard that is for me?"

"Where I'm involved? I think I'm starting to get it." He yawned widely. "Sorry."

"Hmm." Lily stared absently into the empty fireplace. She felt like she'd apologised for the little things, but not for any of the things that really mattered. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for kissing you."

He raised an eyebrow. "Charming."

"I don't mean… Well, I suppose I do a bit. I just… I shouldn't have made you think I…"

"It's okay. I get it. Remus was very clear that I'd taken advantage of you."

Lily flinched. "I wouldn't say…"

"Well no, neither would I, but we all know I have a sketchy understanding of morality."

"No!" Suddenly Lily found herself annoyed again. "No. It was my fault. I was sad and scared and lonely and I used you and that wasn't fair."

For a few moments he held her gaze. Then he leaned back, closing his eyes, and a sad smile flickered across his face. "Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I get it. I'll let it go."

"Let what go?"

His eyes snapped open again and he stared incredulously at her. "_This,_ Lily. You. Me. Us. Not going to happen. I get it."

"Do you?" Relief. Yes. This had to be relief, that she was feeling. It had to be.

"Yes." He closed his eyes again. "Just do me a favour, eh, Evans?"

"Hmm?"

"From now on, I'll call you Lily if you call me James. None of this Evans and Potter nonsense."

She had to smile slightly. "Agreed."

"Truce?" He held out a hand, eyes still firmly shut.

She squeezed it in return. "Truce."

She waited for several moments.

"James?"

"Mmm?"

"Can I have my hand back?"

"Nah."

"James!"

"All right!" He slid his fingers away from where they were entwined with hers. "Anyway, Lily dear, I must insist that you vacate my new bedroom, since I am in rather desperate need of more sleep."

"So go to your dormitory."

"Where dwelleth the vengeful Beast of Black? I think not."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine."

She got to her feet, book in hand, and headed over to the portrait hole. As she reached it, she turned back and looked at him.

James had resettled himself on the sofa, wrapping the blanket snugly around his shoulders.

_Go back,_ said the little voice, which had been quiet since the morning before. _Stop being so bloody proud and go back. _

_No way,_ she told it.

_Maybe on day it'll be too late,_ warned the voice. _Go back while you still can._

Lily gave her head a little shake. She was too sleep deprived to think straight. The voice didn't know what it was talking about.

The soft morning light fell on James Potter's hair, so that the black was streaked with yellowish beams.

"Night, James."

He made a noise, but she couldn't tell if it was a conscious response or a snore. Smiling in spite of herself, she clambered out of the portrait hole.

x-x-x-x-x

"You okay, Lily?"

Lily turned and smiled at Remus. "How'd you know I'd be here?"

"Lucky guess," he said, but not for the first time, she sensed that he wasn't telling the whole truth. He came and stood next to her at the Astronomy Tower window, staring out over the lake. "James seems to think you two made up."

"Yeah, we did."

"Oh?" He looked genuinely surprised. "As in, we're going back to him annoying the hell out of you while you come up with increasingly inventive curses?"

"As in, he's going to stop asking me out and I'm going to start calling him James."

"I haven't woken up yet. This is a dream."

"You'd think, but no. Have he and Sirius…?"

"I left them wrestling."

"Oh. Is that a good sign?"

He shrugged. "Probably. Peter's in charge."

"Good luck to him."

"He'll be fine. He was still asleep when I left. Still more responsible than those two put together."

She chortled.

"Lily? Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"When you… When you ended things with Snape was that… Was it because of what he said about me?"

She looked up at him, but he wasn't looking at her. His eyes were fixed on some unidentified point on the horizon.

She sighed. "No. Not really."

"Are you sure?" He turned to look at her, his eyes wide and anxious. "Because if that's all it was… He wasn't saying what you think he was saying, Lily."

Her brow creased as she tried to understand what he was saying. His eyes were boring into hers as though there was something he was trying to make her understand.

She had always thought that Remus' eyes were brown, but now that she looked closely, she saw that they were speckled with yellow.

"He called me Mudblood, Remus. In front of everyone."

He sighed, and bit his lip. "That's true."

"And it wasn't just me. He's as bad a bully as James, in his way, you know, hexing first years and leaving nasty little notes for Muggle-borns telling them to go back where they came from, whatever that means…"

Remus' arm wrapped around her shoulder but she shrugged him off. "Don't. I'm okay."

"Are you?"

"Well." Her eyes found the tree down by the lake where she had sat so often with Sev. "No. But I did my best, Remus, I really did… I tried to talk him round so many times. He promised me, once… Me over Death Eaters. Always. So much for that."

"You think he's made his choice, then?"

"I know he has. I think I knew a long time ago. I just kept hoping that maybe I could…" Her voice broke. "But it didn't work."

He put his arm round her again, and this time she let it stay there. They stood there for a while, staring out over the grounds.

"Remus?"

"Yes, Lily?"

"Try to make Pot… Make _James_ stop torturing him, won't you?"

He chuckled softly. "Ah, Lily. I'll do my best."

"Thanks." She reached up and squeezed his hand, before pulling away. "I should go apologise to Mary, I was a bit rude to her last night."

"I'm sure she'll understand."

"I'm sure she will, but that doesn't make it okay."

"Fair enough."

She went to the door, but he called her back as she got there. "Lily?"

"Yes, Remus?"

"You could do much worse than James, you know."

She bit her lip, staring at him for a long moment. "I know," she said, very quietly. She wasn't sure if he'd even heard her, but she turned before he could push the matter any further, and scurried down the steps.

* * *

**So there you go. Yes I KNOW you want them to get together properly but it's fifth year, canon says no so I say no. **

**Thank you to Divergent Olympian and Invisiblegirl3 for your reviews to chapter 6, and a huge thank you again to everyone else who has read, reviewed, followed and favourited this story. **

**The next in the series will be ****_Black As He's Painted?_**** and will be set at the beginning of sixth year. I haven't started writing yet, and I am ridiculously busy so I don't know how long it'll take me to post... It would be nice to get it out as a Christmas present for you lovely people but I'm making no promises. Hopefully see you then!**


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